Wednesday, August 13, 2014

So I was sexually assaulted last night, I guess

(Originally posted 8/6/14)

I was at the latest edition of Wacky Wednesday Fungasm at the Rainbow Bistro. For the uninitiated, it's a night of extreme fun with bar-wide Cards Against Humanity, Tic-Tac-Tits on bikini models, lip sync battles, Twister tournaments and so much more. It's always fun. Except for the guy that kept grabbing my ass.

I don't know who he was or who he was there with. He knew me by name but I didn't recognize him. This isn't uncommon, I have the memory of an Alzheimer's patient who already had bad memory to begin with. He was bold and confident, two traits I generally approve of.  Except when that that boldness and confidence leads to uninvited ass grabbing.

It started in the Twister tournament. We were on opposing teams, next to each other on stage with two separate Twister mats. Just as the game started he reached over and grabbed my ass and tickled it, kind of also in the scrotal or taintal area. All this to distract me, to tease me into failing at Twister. I brushed it off, yelling something like "anal intimidation is cheating". Maybe my lightheartedness about it just invited more because at least three other times throughout the night my ass was grabbed and/or massaged by this guy.

I'm generally OK with a bit of grab-ass amongst pals who have an understanding that it's hilarious and not an actual come-on. I'm not threatened if a dude touches my intimates if we have an understanding, but in the case of a guy that I don't know... well it just felt wrong.

The weird thing is, I'm mostly OK with what happened. I never felt threatened, just really confused as to how this guy thought it was OK to grab me like he did, repeatedly. That kind of behaviour would get someone's ass kicked six ways from Sunday if it were done to a homophobe. Me, I'm not the slightest bit gay or homophobic but I've been in enough interesting sexual situations to not be intimidated by a male hand on my ass. But he had no way of knowing that I'd be OK with this.

The double standard is that if a guy did this to a girl, she'd be perfectly justified in yelling "ASSAULT" and having his ass thrown out of the bar. But as a dude I feel like I have a responsibility to roll with it without making a stink. To play it cool, no big deal, you know? I guess this is the main problem with male rape victims - they're generally reluctant to speak out because there's this popular notion of "How can you rape a guy? Every guy wants to have sex all the time".  I suppose fellas should speak up more, but they don't and won't and male rape will probably forever be a dark little punchline for humanity.

I walked away from the bar tonight not feeling violated, but feeling like I SHOULD feel violated. Does that make sense?

For more on Wacky Wednesday Fungasm, join the Facebook group here. Don't worry, it's generally very anti-rape. Unless the right cards come up in Cards Against Humanity.

1 comment:

  1. I just want to point out that saying something, calling him out, making sure he knows that his behaviour is inappropriate... is not an expression of weakness for "not being able to take a joke" but rather an important message that more people (and especially men) need to stand up and deliver.

    It's good that you personally did not feel violated, but now this man may go on to believe that what he did is okay, and if bisexual (you never know), may continue to act inappropriately with men AND women who DO feel violated.

    It's not always /you/ that you are really speaking up for. You know?